Wednesday, January 04, 2012

Funny Schoolwork

The following gems of wisdom were gleaned from test papers and essays from elementary, junior high, high school and college students...

--- Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners.

--- The tides are a fight between the Earth and Moon. All water tends towards the moon because there is no water in the moon and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the Sun joins in this fight.

--- Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.

--- Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn when the apples are falling off the trees.

--- Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German half Italian and half English. He was very large.

--- Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.

--- Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

--- The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire's in the East and the sun sets in the West.

--- The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays.

--- Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long.

--- Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.

--- When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.

--- There is no Nitrogen in Ireland because it is not found in a free state.

--- Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.

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